Today, on my feed I passed a post by the amazing Liz Fair on my timeline asking her women’s empowerment group what things they were tired, as women, of hearing. One insightful lady commented, “or not hearing.... no one EVER talks to me about financial stuff, stocks, investments, or even business plans and my education has suffered for it.”
AND OH MY GOD YES!
(but I don’t think its just women though it undoubtedly affects women wayyyy more often) We all need to get DRASTICALLY better at talking about money.
From very young we are taught that it isn’t polite to talk about money or that it can upset people, what better way to give children right out of the gate a bad feeling about money. Unless you had parents who involved you in the finances, there are very few opportunities to learn how money work and how to make money. Personal finance remains conspicuously absent from most elementary, middle, and highschool educations. College classes often focus on the broader strokes of money like economics and finance and less on the simple making and spending of money (and besides if you are in college it may be too late, you might have taken out crazy loans or started toxic spending habits already). As an adult, it seems the only people who want to talk to you about money are trying to sell you something (insurance, financial planning, investments, or even their shiny new MLM).
And this education, knowledge, and comfort around money is CRUCIAL. Understanding money and forming a good psychological relationship with money is the backbone of creating a life for yourself that is stable and comfortable. Honestly, being able to talk about money is an underdeveloped social skill and as a result, debt is rising and retirement funds are shrinking for the everyday person. As business owners, the stakes get even higher, being able to talk about money is crucial to the day to day running of your business.
So we all need to talk about money a whole hell of a lot more and not just to our financial planners. Which brings me to…
The 4 People You Absolutely SHOULD Be Talking to About Money
Your Children
If you don’t teach them how to save, spend wisely, and yes, make money basically no one else will. My (glorious) mother used to make me help her balance the checkbook each month. She’d explain what she was doing and then I’d run the calculator. Now don’t get me wrong, you should not embroil your children into tough financial decisions or panicked “how to make ends meet” conversations. But your children need to be familiar with and comfortable around the basic workings of personal finance, a budget, tracking spending, savings, investment, life insurance, and debt. More importantly, they need to know that they can ask you questions about these things (particularly when it might be uncomfortable, like when they loose their debt card some Saturday night in college).
Your Friends
Everyone needs at least one friend they can talk freely about money with, without risk of jealousy or judgment. I rather hope you have a whole group of them and you can go out for brunch and chat about your financial goals. I recommend everyone be friends with an accountant, they are terrific at not being silly about talking money. Start easing financial things into the conversation. An easy way to test the waters is to start talking about your goals for 2021 and include in the list your financial goals. If they reciprocate, a simple statement about wishing you could talk freely about finances in a casual manner could open that door. Money will always be a big part of your life and having support and cheerleading from your friends will make it a more successful area.
Your Coaches and Mentors
Oh my gosh, I can’t count the number of times that clients have been unsure if they should share with me the exact numbers of their goals, debt, income, or expenses. Please, please, please be complete and candid with the people you rely on for advice and guidance. The way we build your business if you have $100 in the bank is different from the way we build your business if you have $10,000 in the bank. It’s not embarrassing, we all start somewhere, but I need to know where you are at right now if I am going to help you get where you want me to help you get to. Practice being entirely honest with your advisors and their advice will become better and better. And if you don’t have a coach or mentor to talk through these things with you really should check out my membership program, at least twice a year we dedicate a whole month to talking about money.
Peers and Partners
If you still have a day job, talking about your salary with your coworkers is actually a fantastic idea (if one you should approach with care). Being candid about what you are getting paid is key to ensuring that you and the people around you are being fairly paid for your skill, particularly if you or anyone around you belongs to a historically undervalued group (women, people of color, the old or the young, and mothers). As a business owner, comparing notes on overhead and income may help you pinpoint where you could improve your own numbers or where a key referral (say to an amazing business coach) could help the other business owners around you. It’s not a competition, we can all cooperate. And finally, if you are collaborating (either in the short or long term) please be candid about money with your business partners. Making sure the needs and expectations of everyone involved are met will secure the partnership and create success for all involved.
As a final note, it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) complete collaboration and honesty at every level is crucial to financial discussions with your financial planner, accountant, lawyer, and life partner. Please talk to them about money frequently and freely.