You spent all day on a Tuesday schlepping yourself from a mediocre-coffee-place to a slightly-too-cold-conference-room to your 7th favorite casual happy hour spot and back home. You now have 23 new business cards and 10 pages of notes on all the “great” connections you made. A day of networking well done, and yet three days later you still have heard from absolutely no one. No referrals, no “let’s get coffee,” and certainly no “I’m interested in working with you.” Before you get angry at all those people who didn’t reach out to you, let’s take a look at what mistakes you might be making.

They didn’t catch your name. As simple as it sounds, you won’t believe the number of people who get this wrong at networking events. Say your name clearly and several times. If it is an informal mingling-style event introduce yourself every time someone new enters your sphere. In a formal setting start and end your elevator speech time with your name. Your name is the key to finding you, remembering you, and ultimately connecting with you. When they say get your name out there they mean Literally.
You didn’t connect. We often call people we meet through networking “connections”, but did you really connect with them? Give them a peek of who you are and why you do what you do. In networking, you are rarely the only person that someone knows who does a particular thing. Give them a reason to remember you based on who you are, not just what you do.
They have no idea what exactly you do. This is the opposite of reason number 2. We can often get so caught up in the mission of what we do and talking about ourselves that we glaze over what we do. We might also make assumptions that everyone knows what it means to be a [insert job title here]. Never assume that people know what your job title is or even the most basic of your industry jargon. Always include what you actually and exactly do when introducing yourself.
You haven’t established yourself as a leader. No this doesn’t mean that you should take charge of the room the second you walk in. It does mean that you need to be establishing yourself as a leader in your industry and as someone they want to follow. Show off a little bit of your expertise. Drop an expert tip or a statistic related to what you do. Refer to an article you’ve written or a place you’ve been a speaker. A leader is an expert.
They aren’t inspired by the outcome. Tell your audience the outcome that you provide by showing them a version of the future that they are inspired to follow you to. (Go back and read that sentence again). Which is more inspiring? Someone who “sells real estate” or someone who “finds houses for his clients that fit their needs, personalities, and budget so they never have to move again.” I personally would rather buy “never moving again” over “real estate”. Working with you isn’t about choosing who to buy from its about choosing a version of the future that you show them.
You only talked about yourself. People like to talk about themselves and in a networking setting it can feel like the most important thing is to get the message out about you and what you do. Always listen intently while others are talking in a formal networking meeting. Put away your phone and laptop and listen, be engaged. In an informal meetup leave others room to talk. Be respectful while others are talking and never monopolize the conversation. It is also very powerful when you share stories about clients. Not only is this less me, me, me talk, but it offers the listener a peek into the results you give and the experience of working with you.
You were all about yourself. Nobody likes selfish people and that is especially true in business. If you show up clearly uninterested in helping the people around you then you will get approximately nowhere. Networking is a community activity and you are expected to give just as much as you receive. Help others connect. Refer people to those they might connect well with. Get to know people so you can help them better. Now before the bottom-line conscious write this off as a waste of time let’s look at how helping others works. When you make a thoughtful connection for someone, you build what is called “social capital.” These aren’t just brownie points that you can’t take to the bank, social capital is the basis of how society works, and how much you have can determine your status within a certain group and how people in that group esteem you. Social capital feeds your reputation. More than that, those you have helped are, to a small degree, in your debt. They esteem you and they owe you. And all because you went into the game helping people, which created a positive impression of you as a giving person. We like to give to those who are giving far more than those who are clearly takers.
You didn’t give them a clear action step. You’ve done the right thing in every above category and you are still seeing no action. That could be because you haven’t asked for action. Particularly when you are giving a formal elevator pitch to a group, it is crucial to give them a next step if they are at all interested in you. Make it something easy to say yes to and low commitment. I have a friend who calls it a snickers bar. It should be as easy to say yes to as the snickers bar on the shelf when you are waiting to check out low commitment, easy access. Your “snickers bar” can be “shoot me an email if you want to read a copy of that article I mentioned, I’d love to share it with you” or “Flood season is coming up. I’d love to sit down for coffee with anyone who is worried about their insurance coverage and we can take a quick look to make sure you are covered.” It is the in-person equivalent of a lead magnet. Get the people who are possibly interested to self-identify and take action.

Done well and with the right expectations and mindset, networking can be a powerful tool to grow your business and expand the resources you can make available to your clients and customers. Now, it isn’t for every business, but any business benefits from being well networked, particularly at the beginning. If you are feeling lost about networking reach out and I have some resources and an entire course about how to do it well.